To remember...

Six years ago today I lost my mom to kidney cancer.  She was 48, I was 22.  I thought that would be the hardest day of my life.  People tell you "time heals."  In some ways yes, others no. We were very close. The day I got married my heart was breaking because my mom was not there to fix my veil or give me my "something old." (If she was there she would have had a few words to say about my 7 months pregnant belly though.)  I thought this has to be the hardest time not to have a mom-wrong. The day Finley was born I wished my mom could be there watching my girl meet the world and joking about how she looked nothing like me.  I thought this has to be the hardest time not to have a mom-wrong.  Now that I am raising a daughter, I know that every.single.day is the hardest time not to have a mom. I want my girl to have sleepovers with her grandma.  I want to call my mom to complain about Finley still not sleeping through the night. And I want her to tell me it's payback for me being such a horrible baby.  I want my mom to give me a hard time about choosing an obnoxious Christmas dress for Finley. Most of all I want my girl to know how awesome my mom was.

Well the reality is-she can't have a sleepover. I can't call my mom and she can't give me her unsolicited opinions.  But my girl can know how awesome my mom was.  It's up to me to tell her.  Yesterday someone (you know who you are) suggested that I start a March 9th tradition with Finley.  But what?  Last night while laying in bed I was wracking my brain for ideas.  We could go somewhere special but Finley's too young. We could plant something but the ground is still frozen and we are moving in 3 weeks.  We could make an art project but where would we display them?  Finally I fell asleep.  When I woke up I knew what we would do.  Each year on March 9th we will make a magnet that reminds us of my mom (Grandma Ethel).  That way we can display it on the fridge all year!  Plus I love magnets...kind of an addiction.

This year we made a yellow tulip magnet (my mom's favorite color and favorite flower). Here's what we did.

First I cut a tulip shape out of cardboard (from an Amazon.com box).

Then I put it in a baggie with a bunch of yellow paint.



Then while Finley smooshed it around we (well I) talked about her Grandma Ethel.  Told her how Grandma loved tulips so much that she even had a (hideous) pair of stretch pants with tulips on them (it was the early 90's). I told her that Grandma loved babies and dancing.  I taught Finley Grandma Ethel's motto: "It's painful to be beautiful." I told her that everyone who knew Grandma Ethel loved her.  Then I told her Grandma Ethel is her angel Grandma and she is always watching over her. When the project was done I showed Finley some pictures on the computer and she kept pointing to my mom...like she recognized her.  Even while looking at a picture of my mom and I she pointed to my mom but not me. Makes me wonder...

Anyway back to the magnet.

 Once it was dry (pretty much dry because I have the patience of a 2 year old) I glued a magnet to the back.

All done!

It's not perfect..it's bumpy, uneven, and kinda jagged...just like life. And I love that yellow tulip magnet.

Momma-Love you and miss you.  Thanks for teaching me how to be a mom.

Love,

Ames